USA USA USA
We can change
I’m now considered a senior citizen, have been for quite a while. One giveaway; my hair is white as snow, I really enjoy reading my AARP magazine and eat dinner at four.
I feel fortunate to have lived 72 years and honestly, I’m quite surprised that I have. As a teenager I was a pot smoking, beer drinking surf punk. I got married two weeks past my teens. I was still a kid and continued with my stupid ways despite having our first daughter a year later. And then a second some eighteen months after that.
We had no money. I wasn’t a bad husband/father, but I was far from perfect. Way far. I was selfish. I cared more about changing into a wetsuit than changing a pair of diapers.
I’ve apologized to my wife many times for my lack of understanding and not helping more during a time in her life where she needed me the most. I live with that guilt and have been trying to make it up to her every day. I’m still blown away she never left me. I would have left me if I had been her.
So why the spilling of the guts? Despite all the aches and pains, medications and doctor visits that dominate your life when you get older, you can also appreciate the wisdom of time. And hopefully, you’ve grown up.
We’re all born into a world of innocence. We have no clue what our future holds. Whether we’ll live nine years or ninety. We could say our lives are preordained, but are they? Society wraps herself around us and influences who we are or what we become. But we can use our minds and common sense to shape our future.
As we race through what we call our lives, for those fortunate enough to reach the age of invisibility (that’s where the younger folks don’t see you anymore), we hope we can go out with all our faculties.
However, some of the greatest minds and most wonderful grandmas and grandpas aren’t so lucky. After spending decades working, building toward the future, raising children, grandchildren, life can play a cruel joke and rob you of your memories.
Our memories are like the foundation of a high rise. It builds over time, gets stronger and taller. It becomes the structure that stores all of what we were and what we have become. To lose that is like the crumbling of a beautiful building. Unable to gather the pieces and put it back together.
My time at the Friendship House, a residency for those with Alzheimer’s and dementia, has opened the windows into that building and see beyond the person before me who struggles to recall the joyous memories of their life.
Some might say when you reach the “golden years”, “You’ve lived a long, good life,” but I don’t think anyone who reaches the senior citizen bracket likes to hear that. Maybe I have been around for a bit but that doesn’t mean I’m in any hurry to move on. Many an old(er) person has contributed and continues to do so for others and for society for as long they’re breathing.
We made it this far surviving some stupid decisions. It’s our turn to share some of the wisdom we achieved before we trapse off to somewhere over the rainbow.
It’s frustrating during these tumultuous times of political chaos to see how much wasted energy is put into nonsensical loathing.
I saved a National Geographic from 2013 because there were some photos of people I liked. I was writing a novel, and I found the photos of the melding of people from around the world intriguing; what different nationalities and skin colors would look like mixed with one another. It got me thinking about a world where in fact there were no longer any borders, countries or independent nations and the planet functioned in global unity. I know right, that’s why it would be a fiction novel. Yet it’s something that could be a reality century’s from now if we don’t blow ourselves up before then.
The other main story in that NG was about a couple of journalists who had been allowed to visit North Korea. The images of empty streets and slave labor in dry dirt fields trying to grow food didn’t even seem real. Large images of Kim Jong Un and his father light up the sides of buildings, so you know where Kim’s priorities are.
The journalists also visited a Buddhist monastery. It took them a little bit to realize the monks weren’t real. They were actors trying to convince the journalists that religious freedom existed in NK. Everything they were shown was a farce.
Even thirteen years ago it was guesstimated 200,000 people were imprisoned for expressing “unhappiness with the regime.” I wonder how many are even still alive or how many more were added. Most everyone is a slave of the government, unless you’re part of the loyal elite.
When you look at the life we have in America, it’s pretty darn good. For all you America haters, take a long vacation to North Korea and let me know how it is.
As a nation we need to find our happy place. For us older folks still blessed enough to have our memories and knowledge, it’s imperative we use that experience to help move things in a positive direction. Steer away from the negative road we’ve been traveling lately.
The Olympics were a window into what a united world could look like. Athletes from around the globe shared their joys of victory or sadness of defeats with all nations, embracing one another regardless of where they were from.
Now we just have to figure out a way to make that work for the grownups.
I think you may be reading more into than I meant. I'm very happy and have no fear of death. But, looking back on our lives there are things we could have done better, or for that matter, worse. Reflection is healthy. I do have one major regret that I didn't visit my grandfather I Germany when he passed away. He was even asking for me. I don't recall exactly what the reason was but I would be terribly hurt if my grandson did that to me. Thanks for the feedback, Polly. By the way, I've known Jay for many years. Good people. Crazy story.
Henry, I’m your age and I don’t relate to anything you say about age. Did you ever have a near-death experience? A year ago I was, as the doctors have told me, not just one foot in the grave but completely in it. Having been there, I can say you need to carpe diem a bit. Two weeks ago a wonderful local farmer, Jay Ruskey, and his wife died unexpectedly. They were only around fifty. They had three kids who are now orphans. I knew his dad and met Jay when he was first starting to farm and could see how gifted and visionary he was. It can all go in a flash. Tell your wife you love her instead of asking why she stayed with you. Regrets are for listening to Edith Piaf and holding the hand of someone you love while you can. It’s a beautiful day. Enjoy. We will never fix the world’s problems and if we did we’d be better than God and we aren’t.