Looking Back

To the Future

The future is bright and full of hope. Photo by me :)

As some of you reading this, I imagine like me, are a product of the 60’s, albeit late sixties in my case. My youth was blessed with some of the best music to have ever been made. I was able to see bands like the Who, Janice Joplin, Cream, Carlos Santa, Jethro Tull, Crosby, Stills and Nash, and of course Young, the Doors and one of my favorite shows ever, Jimi Hendrix. My then girlfriend (soon to become my wife of 51 years) and I had an older friend (probably thirty) who took a liking to us. He was a concert promoter and invited us to a lot of great shows, including to see Jimi Hendrix up close and personal. A funky stage was set up in the Ventura Fairgrounds parking lot with one set of aluminum bleachers you see in public baseball parks. We sat in the front row, about ten feet away, and watched the master guitarist and musician rock out before our eyes.

When I look back on those times, the memories are surreal.

Concerts cost about $3.50. Even at that price I would still try and sneak in. I think it was just the challenge. I wasn’t a bad boy, but I wasn’t an angel either.

I was a rebel in my own mind and never liked being told what to do. I pushed against the wind and to this day still don’t take orders very well. Only now I handle things differently. My ego is gone. I don’t get angry (as much). I never learned patience but I’m working on that one.

My father’s nineteenth anniversary of his passing was a week back. I had to pause and blink. I have no clue how that time passed so quickly and what I did with it. And there’s no way I have nineteen years left on this planet.

At this stage in my life with everything falling apart and breaking, I’m taking bets against myself what it is that’s going to take me out.

Something else happened about a week ago. I was dealing with a very stressful family situation and it was taking its toll. My blood pressure was spiking, and I could feel what it was doing to me wasn’t good. I was riding my bicycle fighting the stress and thought I better try something to deal with it. Since I had no control over the outcome, I decided to push it from my mind and bury it. I felt a sudden relief. Then something else happened, from out of the blue I was no longer afraid of death. In an instant I was overwhelmed with a peace. No idea where that came from and why then. I firmly accepted when my time comes, I was either going to embark on one of man’s greatest adventures or just puff away. If it were the latter that wouldn’t matter because I wouldn’t know it anyway. If it were the former it was going to be exciting and something to look forward to.

Could my life have been better? I guess so. I know it could have been worse. Are there things I would have done differently? You bet. Would I have liked to do something else besides farm avocados? If I had a choice, or had been willing to work at it, knowing what I enjoy doing now, write and take pictures, I think it would have been fun being a photo journalist. And if that didn’t work out, I would love to have been a teacher. One those teachers all the kids thought was the coolest.

My grandson will finish college next year and he’s scared. He still doesn’t know what he’s going to do. He has no real plans as of yet. It upsets me only because he is me. At that age the world is spread out before you like one huge smorgasbord. There is almost nothing you can’t do or choose to try doing. I see it as a vast field of flowers going on forever and you can pluck all you want. The sun is setting in the distance, but it will be a long time before it goes down.

In your twenties it feels like you have all the time in the world, 40, 50, 60 and 70 are way, way far away. Only now that I’m in my 70’s, that sun is getting lower in the sky.

It breaks my heart to hear all the terrible stories of kids being murdered or overdosing on drugs or getting killed in a Christmas market; being robbed of life before they even had a chance to get it started. The families of all those tragedies have had their lives changed for the worse as well until the day they leave this earth.

With another new year about to begin, no matter how hard I tried in the past, I can’t seem to get a handle on time. It keeps getting faster and laughing in my face. It’s the one thing we have zero control over. You can’t see it, smell it, touch it or hear it but you know it’s there. All you can do is watch it pass by and appreciate you’re still around to enjoy some of it.

Memories are what make us. It’s why us old folks sit in coffee shops, parks or bend the ears of young ones trying to relive our past. It’s much longer than the future. Yet whatever time any of us have left nothing prevents us from making the best of it.

If I were to define a new year resolution, I want to continue to leave an impact with everyone I meet. Even something as simple when I ask a waiter or store clerk how their day is going. It doesn’t take much to make a positive difference. This planet can use more positivity.

Have a wonderful New Year and see if you can slow time down just a tad. If you find a way, please let me know.